Archive for August, 2011

Why hello again, Invisible Audience. I haven’t written you in ages.  I apologize for my absence as the school of life has taken its toll. Its easy to get caught up in fluctuating work schedules, daily house chores, and commitments to friends and family. Despite it all, sometimes when I am quiet its because there is no major storm being weathered. Sometimes, its because more has happened than can ever be put into words. Its been a surreal blend of both as of late.

Recently, I have been focusing on what it means to really be a friend to someone.  Once upon a time, I thought of friendship purely as loyalty and honesty, but those lines have been blurred and needed some redefining.  I think I am starting to wrap my mind around the concept of true friendship, and it has taken me to the ripe age of 26 to start to get it.

At the moment I believe:

  • When a friend answers the phone, he or she can pick up where the conversation last left off despite the distance and time between calls.
  • A friend is willing to go the distance when they can make a difference.
  • Friends protect in the best interest of those in need.
  • Friends directly tell the truth no matter how difficult it can be and be respected enough to be heard.
  • Friends can agree to disagree.
  • Friendship is more than a balance of give and take. Sometimes its about “Sharing”.
  • Friends remember the good times, cry through the bad times, and take time to collect their thoughts before taking action.
  • Friends admit his or her wrongs when needed.
  • Friends forgive one another after admitting his or her wrongs with a committed promise things will change,and then move forward together.

Not so say that I have covered everything, or have defined this to be all there is to friendship. I do think this is a good place to start.

Which leads me to reflect…In some ways, I fear I haven’t been the best of friends to those I have loved along the way. I have missed out on some key life changing moments for those I love. I have also let youth’s impatience lead me to take gambles that I shouldn’t have. Yet in the same breath, I also think I have gone above and beyond for those I truly love. Recently, a coworker had mentioned that she never saw anyone pack up and leave work early to drive hundreds of miles to take care of a friend in need. I have done this on more than one occasion for more than one person over the years.  I think of my friends as I would my family. They are special because they are the sisters and brothers that I choose to have in my life. So to prove my human nature, for every thing I have done wrong I have also done things right. I can see this, and therefore TRY to move forward with as little heaviness on my heart as possible.

That does not mean that I haven’t recognized where I have let the ball drop. I have a list of my friends in my head that starts from grade school days and encompasses every single person that molded me into who I am now as an adult. I can outline mistakes I have made, toes I have stepped on, and things I regretfully have done. Despite the downsides, I miss you all, love you all, and thank you all for making me into the strong woman I am. There isn’t a single person that I have called friend that hasn’t taught me important life lessons. Regardless of where we end up in the world or who each of us become, I love and am thankful for each and every one of you. I apologize for my short comings and promise to continue to work on becoming a better friend in the areas I need to work on.  You all deserve the best and I am working on finding my best.

As I grow into adulthood, I learn more and more about myself. I am starting to fill these once awkwardly large shoes, and I like who that is making me become. I have found I am a friendlier and kinder person that I used to be. I have let go a lot of  anger in the last 3 months since I now had the opportunity to focus on where I am headed and what I need to do to get where I would like to be.

Its funny to share stories with my new friends at work about my semi-gothic days in high school. They laugh and admit they can’t imagine me a broody type. It shows me that I have been making tremendous progress in changing the anger that used to lay dormant in my heart which was a key factor in some of my greatest mistakes. Despite a night and day transformation, I still feel like I have kept the key pieces of myself that make me who I am. There is no way for me to get rid of my sarcastic tendencies, for example. But without that anger crowding my thoughts, I have been able work on the bridge to my true potential and I vow to keep learning. I am in for the long haul; I had a customer tell me she is still learning at the vivacious age of 88, and I share her commitment.

My only wish is that all of those I have called friends over the years can find the equivalent happiness and blessings to fill each of their hearts with true satisfaction if they haven’t already done so, and that each of them can find it in their hearts to forgive my past mistakes as they trudge forward into their respective futures.

And never forget how much I really do love you.